Another Absurd Anecdote -- Or Stupid Government Tricks, Part One

So… Ashtabula County, on the shores of Lake Erie, is now part of Appalachia.

Of course, it’s not, really. But the U.S. Senate voted late Friday to make the flatland county between Cleveland and Erie, PA. a proud member of the Appalachian community.

That would be Ashtabula County, with a dizzying elevation of 924 feet. The highest point of the county is a place called Owen Hill. (The mountainous terrain of Minneapolis, MN rises to 945 feet.)

Appalachia, of course, is the region that takes its name from the Appalachian Mountains.

It’s an old trick in law and politics: if you want to get something unreasonable done, just change the definitions. By changing the definition section of the law governing the Appalachian Regional Commission, Ashtabula becomes eligible for federal aid that would otherwise never, ever get passed in a time of monster federal deficits.

Oh. It's about the money.

And it’s why we don’t trust the people who go to Washington. They become so clever that they forget the truth.

What does it matter, you might ask? After all, if calling Ashtabula an Appalachian county brings home federal money, what the big deal?

It's a big deal because they couldn't bring that money to Ohio truthfully. They had to call it something it wasn't, or it wouldn't pass. It's called deception, and it's not the way the rest of us who aren't as clever as politicians live our lives.

A story is told of Abraham Lincoln examining a witness in a trial, a man who was known to play word games and who had only a nodding acquaintance with the truth.

“How many legs does a horse have?” Lincoln asked in exasperation.

“Four,” the witness replied.

“And if one were to call the horse’s tail a leg, then how many legs does a horse have?” Lincoln pressed.

“Why, I suppose the horse would have five legs,” the witness said.

“No,” Lincoln said, turning to the jury. “A horse always has only four legs, no matter what you call the tail..”

Unless the United States Senate passes a law that says otherwise.